The Quick Brown Fox Jumps Over The Lazy Dog

I have five “drafts” of blog posts pending right now.  The natural question following this statement could easily be, “Why aren’t you writing one of them instead of this nonsense?”  There’s an easy answer for that question, but I’ll be damned if I know it.

You see, I mostly write stream of consciousness style.  That means words fall right out of my head and onto the keys.  Sometimes they’re interesting, sometimes they’re clever, often they’re varying degrees of “why bother,” but they’re always honest.  My honest words, from honest thoughts.  When I write, I’m not “making up stories.”  I’m sharing a brief view into my head.  A brief, carefully filtered, view inside my head.  Unfiltered Dave is a more acquired taste, and you poor souls only get a small does of me when I’m motivated to write.

Still, you’ve received some gems over the years, that’s for sure.  The Way of Jello was pure gold (or pure jello!).  This post about idiot companies being stupid was a personal favorite.  I really appreciated the opportunity to call out the excellent service I received from Sharp Memorial Hospital before, during, and after my surgery last year.  And how could we forget my first post, back when this blog was primarily focused on reviewing products I bought on Amazon (PS I still love my inflatable lounger!)?

The point is, I have no idea if I was trying to make point.  That’s what this blog is all about.  Wandering through my mind in a semi-coherent way, stopping to look at any interesting sights along the way.  No, they won’t all be interesting to you.  No, for the most part there’s no coherent theme or order in which they’re presented.  And no…

I stopped here to check an email, and now I have no idea what I was talking about.

So anyway, no anything.  But there’s a lot yesses (yeses?  yeahs? Yarps, if you’re a Hot Fuzz fan) too!  Yes, I find all my posts interesting!  Yes, some of them will make a point accidentally, and some even on purpose.  Yes, I’m usually smiling when I’m writing, and hopefully that cheer comes through on the page.  Yes, I know most of you are reading this on a screen, but I’m allowed to call it a page because it’s my world and I rule here.

Maybe that’s what I like best about it.  For me, this is an extremely low pressure environment.  I had 5 ideas for blog posts and put them into drafts so I wouldn’t forget.  But today, now, I have no interest in writing about them. I COULD force myself to do it, but that would be stressful.  They are ideas that are obviously not ripe yet.  So they have to sit and wait for me to be in the right mood (the WRITE mood!  So punny) to ponder them.  They need to percolate.  But the fun bit, are you paying attention?  I’m coming to the fun bit.  The fun bit, however, is not writing about something that came to me yesterday, or 2+ days ago.  The fun bit is putting my fingers on the keyboard and watching what falls out of my head.  For me, THAT’S to fun of this blog.

I hope it’s fun for you, too!  As always, thanks for reading and you’re welcome!

Living the dream,

Humble Dave

P.S.  If any employers are reading this and are thinking about hiring me for a writing job, but are concerned I won’t be interested because it may not be fun:  MAKE ME AN OFFER!  I would LOVE to write for a living, and will happily trade my writing time for money and health insurance.  And if in turn I receive power and fame I promise to only use them for good.

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Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Throughout my childhood, I probably heard this phrase more often than any other.  I was a very “hands-on” child.  If there was a switch I would flip it.  A button had to be pushed.  Levers needed to be… levered?  EVERYTHING needed to be touched.  So.. “Keep your hands to yourself” was bandied about by my parents with reckless abandon.  In their defense, I have a short attention span, so repetition gives you the best chance of getting something through to me.

That being said, I managed to make it to adulthood without breaking anything irreplaceable (that I’m aware of), or experiencing any sexual harassment lawsuits.  I also haven’t accidentally launched any nuclear missiles, although I have launched rockets.  I have accidentally turned off the power to things for which power was important.  C’est la vie, right?

The only thing I heard more often than “Keep your hands to yourself” (KYHTY) was in the same vein.  “Put your hands in your pockets” (PYHIYP).  Although usually it went like this…

hands in pockets

*I reach out to touch something.*

Parents: “Keep your hands to yourself!”

Me: “Okay.”

Parents: “Put your hands in your pockets.”

Me:  ——————————————————————————->

Also, that’s not me.  That’s just a random internet person I found. You know, just because full disclosure and all.

Anyway, the reason I was thinking about this was because for 20 solid years I heard this CONSTANTLY.  Keep your hands to yourself.  Put your hands in your pockets.  Keep your hands to yourself.  Put your hands in your pockets.  Keep your hands to yourself.  Put your hands in your pockets.  Over. And over. And over. Again.

Now PLEASE don’t think I’m knocking my parents.  I NEEDED this level of repetition if this action was something you wanted to program me to do.  And most importantly, IT WORKED.  I mostly kept my hands in my pockets, and over the years pushed fewer things.  If I remember my psychology at all, this was classical conditioning at its finest.

However… sometime around age 20 I was working in my Dad’s print shop helping customers.  Standing there, hands in pockets, talking to a customer, I felt a tap on my shoulder.  OH NO!  THE BIG BOSS (aka Dad).  He said, “Take your hands out of your pockets while talking to customers.  It’s unprofessional.”

What the heck?  Do what? After 20 years of being told to stuff ’em in my pockets, all of the sudden, NOW, with no prior warning, I’m supposed to take them out again?  WHAT IF I PUSH SOMETHING?  Nope.  Apparently that’s not a concern anymore. Life is weird.  When I commented on the rule change to my father there was a brief moment when I could see the gears spinning and then he started laughing.  Good times.

So anyway, I learned a couple of things that day.  1) Consistency is apparently a secondary consideration in parenting, and 2) I keep my hands in my pockets everywhere except at work, because it’s unprofessional.

Anyway, I’m still fairly curious about that will happen if I touch this or that, and for the most part am able to resist the urge (thanks Mom and Dad!).  I do occasionally touch the thing, but they also taught me to take responsibility for my actions (thanks again!) so you know.  Karma evens out I guess?

God only knows what they would have done if I’d been a girl.  How do you all deal with pants that have no pockets?  Or even worse, fake pockets?  What sick individual came up with that idea?  Someone who hates people, that’s for sure.

journal_comic__fake_pockets_by_lizwuzthere-d6x55bn

Welp, my work here is done.  As always, thanks for reading, and you’re welcome!

Living the dream,

Humble Dave

Wow. Kind of a lot has happened (Part 2)

Geez, I am TERRIBLE about writing here consistently.  However, the important thing to remember is that “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade,” which also tastes terrible and sour unless you add sugar.  So, I guess it’s equally important to find someone sweet to mix with the life-lemonade.  What, you ask, does this have to do with Part 2?  Nothing, I just ramble sometimes.  I suppose if you didn’t like my rambling you wouldn’t have made it this far into my blog.  So…. you’re welcome?

I left Part 1 off somewhere after we got Cody and I’m supposed to start part 2 off with job hunting.  This one will cover the now 10ish months since I got laid off March 31, 2017.  Don’t worry, it won’t take you 10 months to read.  Job hunting sucks, so I don’t care to relive it detail.

My plan was thus:  Take a few months after getting laid off to relax, decompress, re-evaluate my life and decide on the best direction to move.  My though process was this:  I no longer enjoyed what I was doing (Financial advisor recruiting, relationship management, and firm business development), and this was an excellent opportunity to make a career change and find something I DO like, and fulfills me emotionally.  Guess what?  It’s harder than it sounds.

First of all, my plan was going swimmingly until at the beginning of month 4 (July 2017), when I was really getting into the groove and applying to jobs that sounded interesting (Account Manager and Relationship manager positions at tech firms) I got injured.  And not the kind of injury where you’re like, okay, I’m injured but still functional.  Not me, I don’t do things half was.  I got the kind of injury where I’m COMPLETELY OUT OF COMMISSION for months and months.  I was on so many meds and painkillers there was no resume updating, no interviewing, and certainly no job applying going on during this time.  I still looked at jobs to help me keep an eye on what was out there, but… no real luck.

A quick note on the injury:  I squished a disc in my neck between C5 and C6 which is bulging out, narrowing the pathway in which nerves exit the spine.  What this really means is EXCRUCIATING PAIN in my neck, shoulder, and left arm all the way down to my fingers.  Sitting?  Excruciating pain.  Walking?  Nope.  Carrying anything heavier than a couple pounds?  Dear god please no.  When you’re in pain doctors always ask you, “On a scale of 1-10 where is the pain now?”  I’m too detail oriented, I suppose, because this drives me crazy.  How do I quantify my pain level on a scale of numbers with no corresponding state?  I have to assume 10 is MAX PAIN, right?  So that would be pain that renders me unconscious, right?  A 9 would be pain so bad that all you can do is cry on the ground in a fetal position begging for unconsciousness.  An 8 is pain so all encompassing that every thought in your head is 100% focused on “how can I make this pain stop right now.”

I spent some time at level 8, and might have tapped a 9 at some point.  It’s MISERABLE.  There were literally only 2 positions I could be in that limited my pain…. hmmm… I’m totally off track here.  Let me bring this back around to the job.

I was in terrible pain and on mind-melting medications until mid September, when I finally started feeling well enough to take short walks outside the house.  It was on one of these walks that we stopped at an open house in the neighborhood.  I’ve met the realtor here a number of times, and my community is his “farm,” which means he’s worked this area for many years and does most of the listings here.  Really nice guy.  We chatted for a bit and he suggested I might like being a real estate agent.

I thought about it for a while, and realized it checked the 3 “big picture” boxes I had for me ideal job:

  1. I want to like the company I work for and enjoy what I’m doing.
    • I’d be working for myself, but with the tech and support of a big company behind me.  Also, I like working with people, and everyone needs a place to live!
  2. I want what I do to have a positive impact on other people’s lives.
    • Helping people sell their existing homes for the most value seems like a great thing to do.  One the flip side, helping buyers find their “dream home” or even buy their first “starter” home seems like it would be changing the world for the better, one family at a time.
  3. I want to make enough money for Jas, Cody, and me to live comfortably in San Diego.
    • Full time realtors who work hard, are honest and personable, and don’t give up when times are hard can make a GREAT living in a market where the average home price is around $600K+.  In the immortal words of Frito from “Idiocracy”: I like money.

So I have embarked on my real estate career!  Signed up for Keller Williams real estate pre-licensing courses in the beginning of October.  Finished the 3 classes and passed their final exams by mid-January.  Sent my application along with licensing fees to the California Bureau of Real Estate (Cal-BRE) and have approximately 5 weeks to wait until they process my application and open my testing window.  I then have… a year, maybe to pick a test date and pass.  Irregardlessly (eat it, grammar check.  I adverbed an imaginary word and there’s nothing you can do about it!), I’ll take the test as soon as I can.  In the meantime I’m doing a lot of studying and attending another Keller Williams training course called IGNITE which is AWESOME.  Learning a ton and excited to get started hopefully at the end of February or (more likely) beginning of March.

So there you have it!  I’m going to be a realtor in San Diego.  So, if you’re reading this and planning to list your home or buy a new one later this year definitely let me know!  If you’re happy where you are but know some friends or co-workers who are planning a move I’d love to talk to them as well (once I’m licensed!).  If they’re friends of yours we’ll try to find them a home near yours.  If you don’t really like them that much we’ll find them something far away. 🙂

Living the Dream,

Humble Dave