You Snooze, You Looze

It’s happened to you.  It’s happened to all of us.

It can’t be trusted, and yet we continually put our trust in it.

What is this strange power it has over us?

The Snooze Button. There’s one on every digital alarm clock and its sole purpose is to make you late for something.

Walk with me here for a moment… You have an appointment in the morning. Work. The dentist. A breakfast date with your spouse/child/dog. Whatevs. You set your alarm so you’ll get up to be there on time. Sleep. Peaceful, happy, dreamy, lovely sleep. ALARM! I’M UP I’M UP I’M UP. Maybe just a few more minutes. You hit… Snooze. BOOM. You’re screwed.  Has this happened to you?  Of course it has.  But don’t worry, Humble Dave is going to sort you out.

First off, snooze is rarely the same amount of time on an alarm clock. It can be anywhere from 5-15 minutes, and if you didn’t read the manual it’s just a guessing game.

In fact, “snooze” is one of the great variables of the universe. If snooze =n, then n=”the exact amount of time needed to make you late for an appointment.” Scientists have been studying this phenomena for decades and are no closer to understanding its mysteries. Wait.  Stop. You were going to look this up on the internet to verify my claims. Don’t do that. Look it up in your gut. You know it’s true.

Fine, you want science? Snoozing is more likely to ruin your night’s rest.

Probably who use the snooze are more likely to late.   I’m not going to source this because I made it up.  But, you just read it on the internet, so you know it’s true.  EVERYTHING ON THE INTERNET CAN BE TRUSTED!

According to a Professor Matthew Walker, neuroscientist (wow that sounds super official!), snoozing inflicts “cardiovascular assault” on your body!

Okay, here’s a big one.  This article actually starts off by saying a snooze or two isn’t bad (idiots), but then goes on to say that snoozing can cause one of the most horrific side effects I’ve ever heard: YOU MISS YOUR MORNING POOP! Dear God, WAKE UP SHEEPLE!

Is that enough? Here’s the important bit. Are you paying attention? Set your alarm for the time you want to get up, then get up when it goes off. Move it across the room if you have to. Use an alarm like the Ruggie. Do whatever you have to do. Don’t let the snooze do to you what it’s done to so many others. Minutes, years, decades of lost time. Remember, you snooze, you looze.

As always, thanks for reading, and you’re welcome.

Living The Dream,
Humble Dave

p.s. I know it’s spelled “lose.” But I’m in charge here, and I liked it better this way. #Dealwithit

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Stupid Companies Doing Stupid Things Stupidly: Ford Automotive

Sigh.  I like my car.  Honestly I do.  It’s a 2013 Ford Escape.  Silver.  Titanium Package, which means we got the wave-your-foot-under-the-tailgate-and-it-opens package.  There’s adjustable mood lighting on the inside.  I’m not joking.  We can pick from something like half-a-dozen colors and adjust the brightness.  It’s remarkably awesome.  It has a nice long sunroof.  The car will parallel park itself.  We love that feature.  It does a GREAT job at it, too.  It’s comfortable.  Are you picking up what I’m laying down?  We like it.

It also has built in navigation.  I’ve always liked having navigation in my car.  It’s convenient.  There’s a nice big screen and it tells me where to go with a polite, yet confident and direct female voice explaining how even though I thought I was supposed to make a right turn, what I actually wanted was a left turn, assuming of course I intended to go to the destination I preselected.

However as we all know, new roads get built.  Occasionally, old roads get closed.  On-ramps and off-ramps get moved.  Lanes are widened and additional lanes are added.  So obviously the navigation maps need updating.

Does Ford do this automatically and wirelessly for you?  No.  Do they mail you a card/CD/USB stick annually so you can do it yourself?  No.  Do you have to take the car into the dealership for the update?  Also No.

Ford Navi updateThey send you an email offering you an SD card with updated maps for $149.  AND THEY OFFER AN UPDATED MAP CARD EVERY YEAR.  That’s right.  Ford apparently feels that users should pay an extra $149/year for updates THAT EVERY OTHER NAVIGATION SYSTEM OFFERS FOR FREE.  Forget google maps for a second (which is arguably the best navigation/map service ever devised).  You could BUY A GARMIN for less and get free updates for life.

 

I literally just can’t even.  I just can’t.  I smell burnt toast, AND IT’S YOUR FAULT, FORD!

Oh, wait.  Nevermind.  Look at all the perks:

Ford navi info

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. No.  I’m not going to spend any time countering the above bullets, because they’re all stupid.  I use Google Maps/Navigation.  It gets me where I want to go, and updates every second.  Traffic, accidents, route-changes, multiple route options, whatevers.  There’s literally nothing Ford can to to their navigation that makes it better than Maps.

Dear Ford, if you’re reading this make the navigation updates free.  Better yet, integrate Google Maps into your car’s navigation systems and sell advertising to gas stations, restaurants, etc.

Dear Readers, if you’re paying any money for navigation updates in your car, STOP DOING THAT RIGHT NOW.  Drop a smartphone up on your dash and upgrade your life experience immediately.

As always, thanks for reading, and you’re welcome.

Living the Dream,
Humble Dave

[RANT] WHY IS THIS BOOK $17???

I LOVE to read.  It’s mostly my Mom’s fault, since she always read to me as a child, was a public school teacher, literacy teacher, and ran the literacy department for a public school system.  It’s in my blood.

Now I understand all these book publishers need to make money.  And, of COURSE, the authors deserve to make money.  But WHAT THE F**K.  $17?  For an e-book?  There are no printing costs.  No paper, no shipping to bookstores.  The publishers literally just have to  read, edit, and market.  $17.  I feel like somewhere in this equation greed has really taken over.

20 years ago I was buying paperbacks for $5.99.  Those were the expensive ones.  I remember when they went up to $7.99 for some newer, bigger, more popular books and I thought, “That’s expensive, but, hey, prices go up!”  Then ebooks.  $2.99, $5.99, $7.99.  It was wonderful.  Then the $9.99 books came out and I was like, what?  For a digital copy that I can’t lend to anyone, or sell when I’m done?  And, if you read the Terms and Conditions, YOU DON’T ACTUALLY OWN IT!  Nope, you bought the right to read it, but they reserve the right to yank it right off your digital device for “reasons.”

I started reading the Stormlight Archive by Brandon Sanderson a couple years ago.  I bought the Way of Kings ($9) in April 2016 and Words of Radiance ($10) in May 2016.  Then I realized that the series was incomplete… and waited.

A couple of weeks ago I noticed that Oathbringer was out and thought I’d read that, but it had been so long I needed to re-read the other two.  Just finished yesterday, and went to buy Oathbringer.  $17.  The local libraries have  about 2 dozen copies but there are 3 dozen people waiting for them.  So, if I want to read it before I begin to forget the other two I’ll have to buy a copy.

$17.  For… a book.  That I won’t actually own, and can’t sell or lend (which also means I can’t borrow it from a friend).  That has no real physical presence.  On a side note: The paperback is listed at $20, and the Hardcover at $22.  What in the hell is going on here?

Anyway, I’ve had enough of this for now.  I’m not buying it.  Sorry Mr. Sanderson.  Pound sand Macmillan.

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